use it or lose it

It's no secret that I've gained 30 lbs since I got married – you've seen the photographs. My appearance is sort of like my scarlet letter. You can see how healthfully (or not) I'm living. Still, this is the kind of thing you wonder about posting about the day after you make your blog open to the public. In the interest of full disclosure, which I know none of you were looking for, I have lost and gained 20 of it pretty much with each pregnancy. And yet, this time, the weight loss just isn't happening for me. I know what I need to do, and I feel motivated but every day I hit the brick wall. Incidentally, does anybody else feel like they are a dietician and physical fitness consultant after years of gaining and losing? I've read more magazine articles (scholarly, I know) than I could possibly count. Don't worry, I can count to 100. It's just that I have whole magazine subscriptions dedicated to these subjects – "Shape," "Cooking Light," "Fitness," "Eating Well." I like them all by the way, but mostly just for ideas and motivation, I read real books when I want more information. And I've read loads of those too.

I declared a dietetics major for a while at BYU (till I took the science classes), and for a spell it was Health Promotion till I couldn't take the Richards building anymore. I love motivating others to make healthier choices. I know those of you who have been to my house for dinner parties are wondering if you are on the wrong blog. I admit, I do believe in celebrating and sometimes in a most indulgent way, but I don't eat like that on a daily basis. Normally, my family eats a lot of produce and beans and legumes. Typically, I eat 7-9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. Yeah, cheer for me.

On a positive note, I am glad that I can relate to the people who have said to me, "how do you find the motivation?" If you had asked me this six months ago, I would have thought (not said) something like, "well, if you do what you always do, you'll get what you've always gotten" or "calories in minus calories out" or "excuses don't pay the bills" or some other such rubbish that my head is full of. Today it all seems like fairytales, like I'm struggling to run a marathon underwater. Unimaginably difficult. Hmmm..does that mean difficult to imagine or a difficulty hard to imagine? Whatever. We have a health crisis in America. I've always felt really strongly that each individual doing their very best to live healthfully strengthens the whole country, and maybe even the whole world. We all have different genes, environments and circumstances, but every one of us can do our very best to make smart choices, set good examples, and respect the bodies we have in our own way. For me, that includes dropping 30 lbs by summer. Keep me honest, people.